What Should You do if Your Husband is Gay

Even after being in a heterosexual relationship for years many women suddenly find themselves in a position where they have to ponder over the question ‘is he gay’. Any marital crisis is hard to deal with and learning that your man is gay is one of those things which can turn your life upside down.

Keep reading this post to find out how to tell if your husband is gay and learn some important tips on coping with a gay husband.

Once you know what to do if your spouse is gay you’ll be able to pave the way towards a more honest and fulfilling relationship.

Signs of Gay Husband

If you are thinking how to know if a guy is gay then just check out for the following signs of gayness.

  1. One of the most prominent gay men signs is the lack of sexual urge.
  2. Gay men are often turned off by regular sexual activities and accuses their partner of being nymphomaniac or oversexed.
  3. Signs of a gay man could include a rather mechanical performance on bed with a total aversion to foreplay.
  4. If you are wondering ‘I think my husband is gay’ but cannot be sure then try going through his desks and drawers. If you find Viagra or Cialis in his hiding places without his making any attempt at having sex then you can be sure that ‘your husband is gay’.
  5. You might find pop ups from gay pornographic sites while he is surfing the web.
  6. When your husband deletes the search history from the computer on a daily basis then there is a chance that he is gay.
  7. A gay man might spend a lot of time at the gym and desperately wants to work on his appearance.
  8. When he says something like he feels like he is entrapped in a marriage, you have possibly found an answer to the question ‘could my husband be gay?’
  9. He travels more than often and you are not being able to track him.
  10. He visits gay bars while claiming that he was only hanging with his gay friends.
  11. When he admits to having a homoerotic relationship in the past, there is a good chance that your husband is bisexual.

Gay Husband

What to do with my Gay Husband?

When you have confirmed the signs he’s gay, you need to try and find some ways to cope with your gay husband. When you see one or more of these gay husband signs in your spouse, you need to talk to him directly. Women who have recently discovered gay sign in their husband might experience the following emotions:

  • Anger accompanied by a sense of betrayal
  • Guilt
  • Shame
  • Revulsion
  • Responsibility

Things to do and not to do

  1. Women with gay husbands should try not to isolate themselves. Ideally you need to talk to a therapist or seek out a support group.
  2. Although there are people who are able to look beyond their sexual preferences, there are some who cannot. This is why you need to talk with your husband and decide on the most positive outcome.
  3. There is no reason to assume that the marriage has come to an end. A recent survey has shown that out of 15% of couples who try to make their marriages work, only 7% manage to make it work out long term.
  4. Grappling with the emotional issues isn’t going to do you much good. The first thing you need to do after learning that your spouse is gay is get yourself checked for any kind of sexually transmitted diseases.
  5. Keep in mind that your married life as you always knew it has come to an end. Even if you decide on staying together, you’d surely need to make a few compromises. So try and come to terms with the changed reality and get ahead with your life.
  6. You can choose to broach the topic with your children depending on their age and understanding. However, while discussing the possibility of a divorce with your kids, there is no need to share the details.

Wrapping it up

Dealing with a situation like this can be immensely traumatic, but you need to understand the fact that none of this is your fault. Finding out that the husband is gay can be a life changing experience and one should definitely think it over before arranging for the termination of the marriage.

Knowing that your gay husband loved you can make the process of separation even more difficult. Don’t delay in seeking a counselor since he/she can immensely help you cope with the situation.

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