In Western cultures, over 90% of people marry by age 50. Healthy marriages are good for both partners’ mental and physical health.
The key word here is healthy. What does it take to make and keep a marriage healthy? The answer will be different for everyone. But it will still be rooted in fundamental principles.
If you are wondering if you should consider marital counseling, read on. We’ll give you 10 signs to look out for that indicate that you need to get marriage counseling.
You Feel More Like Roommates
Although it is good and healthy for each of you to have your own interests and activities, if you aren’t involved in each other’s daily lives, it could be a sign of trouble.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married. If you notice that you and your spouse act more like roommates, you could benefit from marriage therapy.
You Feel Like You are on Opposite Teams
A marriage should not feel like a competition. You shouldn’t constantly be feeling like you are either winning or losing against your partner. Getting your way at the expense of your partner isn’t a viable, long-term solution.
A healthy marriage requires compromise and working together to find solutions. Most importantly, you should feel that your spouse is on your team and has your back.
If this isn’t the case, you will benefit from marriage therapy. Learn more about how marriage counseling can help your relationship.
You Rarely Touch or Have Sex
One of the fundamental aspects of a thriving healthy marriage involves physical intimacy.
Sure, there may be periods of time where sex is less often than other times. For example, after a new baby comes into the home or during a stressful time in one of your careers.
Yet, if your abstinence has become the norm, marital counseling can help.
There Has Been Infidelity In Your Marriage
Infidelity is a painful reality for more couples than you’d think. In fact, 60-75% of couples that have experienced infidelity in their relationship stay together.
You might not know if your spouse has been cheating. Look for warning signs and consider how to approach the subject.
Of course, it is not easy. There is a lot of trauma, pain, and betrayal to get through. In essence, an affair signals the end of a relationship. If you and your spouse want to stay together, you can decide to build a new relationship.
This takes time, patience and a lot of listening. Marriage therapy provides a safe space where these important, vital conversations can take place.
Infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage. And marriage counseling can play an important role in facilitating the healing and rebuilding of your relationship.
The Arguments are Endless
Are you and your spouse constantly bickering? Do you argue about the proper way to pack the dishwasher, whose turn it is to take out the garbage and why there is a dirty towel on the floor?
Negative communications are like bank withdrawals. If you aren’t adding deposits back in, pretty soon the account is depleted.
If the majority of your conversations with your spouse are negative, you are depleting your relationship’s reserves. Negative communication can also turn into emotional abuse or apathy.
If you can’t remember the last time your conversations didn’t end in bickering, it’s time to get help.
You Never Argue
On the other hand, if you never ever fight about anything with your spouse, it could mean that one or both of you have stopped caring.
Not bothering to engage in an argument is a sign of a lack of intimacy and interest. Whenever this happens there are underlying reasons at the core.
Those issues must be dealt with if the marriage is going to survive. An experienced marriage counselor can help you both identify the issues and resolve them.
You are Waiting for Your Spouse to Change
If you believe everything in your marriage would be fine if your partner would change, there is a problem.
It’s not fair, or realistic, to expect your spouse to change for you. After all, you knew who he or she was when you got married.
The only person you can change is yourself. But you can inspire others to be their best selves.
Save yourself from years of frustration and go see a marriage counselor. He or she will be able to give you the tools you need to help you relate to your spouse in a better way.
It Always Comes Down to The Same Issue
If there’s one theme that every conversation or argument seems to land on, it’s obviously a biggie.
This negative cycle becomes a habit. And then it’s incredibly difficult to break out of that destructive pattern.
In marriage therapy, you can explore the issue with the right tools to reach positive outcomes. If you haven’t broken out of that vicious cycle by now, you won’t be able to without help. Book a session and let that issue rest in peace in the past.
Everything Your Spouse Does is Annoying
Feeling resentful towards your partner is a red flag in a marriage. But it can be tricky to spot. Usually, resentment creeps in slowly until you’d rather do anything else but be around your spouse.
If this is your reality, don’t despair. A marriage counselor can give you the expert help to get your marriage back on track.
You Think You Might Need It
Even if you’ve read this whole list and none of these items apply, you can still go to marriage counseling.
Sometimes you just feel that you need marital counseling. Always follow that gut feeling.
Going to marriage counseling doesn’t mean that your marriage is broken. And you don’t have to be in dire straits before you book a session.
In fact, the sooner you get marriage counseling, the less repair work you’ll need to do.
So, if you think marriage counseling will help, go for it.
Bottom Line on Marital Counseling
Most couples wait too long before seeking help. The truth is that marital counseling can be an invaluable resource that enriches and nourishes your relationship.
Remember, you got married for a reason. If your marriage has turned sour, don’t resign yourself to living that way. No matter how long you’ve been married, if you both are willing to do the work, your marriage can be fruitful once more.
Want more relationship advice? Check out our relationship archives for many more articles you can check out.